the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
