i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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