she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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