Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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