I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
