after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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