my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
