Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
