Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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