remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
