She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
