i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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