some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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