So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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