the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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