I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
