apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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