im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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