He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have tasted many bathrooms
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize