16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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