I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
