I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
