saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
