I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'd cum for enchiladas.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
