I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
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turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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