I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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