so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
