I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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