not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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