I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
