time to smoke my breakfast
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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