Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
