Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
