Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
