i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
