I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
