Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
