well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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