Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
