I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
