The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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