you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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