It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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