3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
