The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
