three words: i give head
three words: not that well
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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