No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
