Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
