i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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