I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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