I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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