Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
