I queefed so loud it echoed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
