thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
