i would punch a child for taco bell
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
