Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
