i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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