Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
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Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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