woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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