I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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