last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
