Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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