I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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