Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
