belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize