Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
