so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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