i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
