I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
