Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
