Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Randomize
