the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
